Remember me?

Filed under: Daily Life, Site Updates on August 14, 2008 — 717 words

Today is day #6 of me not speaking to anyone in my family. I got into an argument with my brother a few days ago and he said some pretty hurtful things to me on the phone. It has a lot to do with my last post aka everything to do with my mother. My brother is one of my best friends, so to have him turn on me and not even try to see the situation from my point of view really killed me. He can go and be a mama’s boy then. I was even planning on asking him to move in with us eventually because stupid me thought that was “the plan” that we had. But hey, if he wants to keep living with my mom who barely pays her rent, barely ever goes grocery shopping and is never home….then so be it.

Since that conversation, I haven’t talked to either of them and I don’t know when I’m going to. My mother is very stubborn and she never likes to apologize. Growing up, if any of us got into a fight, we’d never really make up. We’d just pick up like it never happened and avoid talking about it at all costs. She taught me to be like that. This is why I have a difficult time to this day when it comes to talking about my feelings out loud. But I can’t remember the last time she ever said “I’m sorry” to me. Maybe she never has? If she can’t understand that me going to college is incredibly important, then I don’t know what to tell her. Or think. It’s a little devastating to be honest.

Speaking of devastating, I saw my aunt and uncle at my work last night and they looked right at me and didn’t even know who I was. My uncle is my dad’s brother, he’s the only living person left on my dad’s side of the family. My mom had a falling out with them a few years ago and I never saw them again. They’re not the most loving people in the world, but we spent a lot of time with them during my childhood. My brother and I were always upset because they’d go over to Lithuania and bring our distant relatives to New York City, Florida, on cruises and all kinds of extravagant places. The only place they ever took us was to a mall that was fifteen minutes away from their house. They’re not bad people, but they never had kids of their own so I don’t even think they knew how much we used to feel left out.

But seeing them last night, it made me realize how insignificant that fight between them and my mom was. It was over money and my uncle did something pretty shady. I can almost see why he did it though. When my dad died, he left my mom another house in his will which was two houses away from my uncle’s house. My uncle always wanted it, but for really no good reason at all. My mom rented it out but eventually it went to foreclosure. Our own house went to foreclosure, and my mom reached out and asked if they could help us. They said no (they live in a very small house that was completely paid off but trust me when I say they were loaded) and my uncle went behind my mom’s back and bought the house that my dad left for my mom. Looking back, perhaps it was better that he did that so the house would be kept in our family. But with my uncle, he thought of everything in terms of money. I was 17 when this happened, pissed off that we had just lost our family home so naturally I blamed anyone in my family who didn’t help us out. But maybe I was just so upset with my mom that I blamed everyone else to avoid how I really felt.

I know that we’ll all make up eventually, even me and my mom. I don’t know if it can ever be the same though. Part of me feels like I just lost this significant chunk of my heart.

Arielle Says:
August 14th, 2008 at 7:21 pm

That’s a terrible shame about your family. I hope that whatever happens, you are okay.
Leah Says:
August 16th, 2008 at 12:17 am

I know exactly what you mean about the whole ‘I’m Sorry’ ordeal. My family is the exact same way. I mean we’ll say it like if my sister drops something on my foot and she’ll be like “Oh My God I am sooooooo sorry!” but other than that we pretty much just ignore things after a while and pretend like the never happened.