Archive for Daily Life

It’s a love story, baby just say yes.

Filed under: Daily Life on January 2, 2009 — 701 words

New year, new blog entry, new woman. I don’t mean to get sappy or sentimental, but I am at that point in my life where I am comfortable with the way things are. The problem that I have with myself is that I am never happy for long. I get my hair done, I’m happy for two hours. I have an okay day at work, I am in a good mood for about ten seconds. Christmas is always my favorite time of year and not even for the sake of myself. I love to give my family members their presents. That is what makes me happiest of all. But after Christmas was over and New Year’s Eve loomed ahead, I felt depressed again. Like I throw myself into all this planning, wishing and hoping and it’s over with in what, an hour?

This isn’t a new year’s resolution because I personally hate them because I never follow through. No no, this is more of a….promise (?) to myself to literally kick my own ass if I decide to wallow in self pity any longer. Life is not that bad. I have a roof over my head, my family is freaking awesome, a boyfriend who loves me, I’m getting excellent grades in school and I am making money to keep us afloat. I still never feel satisfied but I could have it so much worse. There are some people close to me who are really struggling to and I cannot fathom how they do it. My family went through some of the same years ago but I was young then. I am grateful sometimes for having to go through that early in life because back then, we didn’t even know that we didn’t have money. My mom was so careful (and in many ways, financially indebted) but we never knew that. I think it would have been harder for me to lose everything at this age because now I can truly appreciate every single item that I have, tangible or not.

I wish there was a way for me to make everyone’s problems go away. All I can do is offer them the gift of laughter. I don’t care how idiotic I look, as long as they laugh (with me or at me), that’s all that matters to me. I feel like in every family, there’s always a certain niche that we all fall into. There’s the cranky family members, there’s those who really aren’t huggers and do that awkward shoulder pat when you try to, there’s those who constantly drink too much and then there’s those who love to joke around to the point of where your stomach hurts from laughing so much. That’s where me and a lot of my family fit in. Our humor is stupid humor yes, but it gets the job done. When I went to see everyone over Christmas, it’s so easy to forget about all the shit that goes on here. I don’t have to try hard to impress them. I can be myself, no holds barred. We know practically everything there is to know about one another, and there is never a time where we can say that we’re sick of each other. We love to have a good time, and I love them so much for being my rocks over the years.

This blog wasn’t really supposed to be a brief look at 2008 but it looks like it ended up that way. 2008 wasn’t a terrible year but it certainly was not the best for me and those that I care about. I figure that things have to get really bad before they can get better. And one way to make sure of that is to get my attitude in check. I don’t want to treat every situation like it’s entirely critical that decisions have to get made at that very second. Life is too short to worry about my anxiety or that tiny, whispering feeling that I don’t measure up to other people. All I need to focus on is living in the moment and being the best person that I can be.

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